i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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