I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
