its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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