Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dicks are not precious.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
