Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize