So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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