i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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