At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
