By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
