She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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