He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize