get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
