Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
