And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
