i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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