Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just pee around me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
