just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
