I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
