Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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