I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
