so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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