420 ftw
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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