We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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