i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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