btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
