On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
