saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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