He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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