I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i think my cat just said my name.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
