The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
