I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
