I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
