I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize