i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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