Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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