I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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