of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
