frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
