I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
