i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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