Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
