we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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