Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
