Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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