remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
