the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize