I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i think my cat just said my name.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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