he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
