11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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