my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
