I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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