So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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