I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
