we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize