This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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