doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I need moral support for this bender
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
