I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
