Little spoons don't ask big questions
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
