there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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