He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
