I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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