You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
