He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You can't just leave with hair like that
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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