2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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