we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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