hotel room ftw
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
