Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
