Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
