You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
