Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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