If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Randomize
