i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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