there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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