I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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