at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
