i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
